XCOM Multiplayer Tournament


Well-Known Member
Dec 7, 2013
117 Victory Road
Match with Taugaunt - wait, didn't we already go through this? ... waddya mean, "there was another one"?! Fine then, what were the results? ... That's exactly the same as last time! What's the point of this? Alright, alright, fine, I'll put it down, you don't have to pull that out...
Ahem. Match with Taugaunt complete... again. Score 3 - 1 Taugaunt's way... again.

Match 1 - Alcohol affects your performance. Positively.

In fear of the three new units rumored to be appearing in the Washington law enforcement divisions, more specifically the Titandozer, the Payday gang decided one last jaunt at the Tasteful club was warranted. Unfortunately, they were met by Taugaunt's forces, who were drinking to their overall success. Recognising that conflict was inevitable, the group left, then returned with their weapons and armor, along with another (regular) Bulldozer Dallas had converted. They were not about to let all the beer go to waste in the stomachs of alien dinosaurs.
A Thin Man, possibly the designated driver, was outside on the roof and saw them take cover behind two cars. Within the space of a minute, Wolf was taken into custody and Chains needed reviving, having been blown up by two expertly thrown grenades. Dallas decided that revenge was in order and positioned himself - wait, hold on. You said Dallas was male! ... I dunno, that looks distinctly feminine to me. ... I'm just looking at the footage, alright? Jesus. Calm down. ... anyway, Dallas positioned him/her self in the alleyways, whilst the Bulldozer remained in the street with Hoxton as backup. Hoxton was taken into custody when two Heavy Floaters, the owners of the grenades, appeared next to the Thin Man and fired on him. The Bulldozer, meanwhile, fired at a human Support waiting down the other end of the car park. This human was shortly joined by a Heavy Muton, who attempted to kill the Bulldozer.
Dallas reached the roof and immediately flanked the Floaters and the Thin Man. Reasoning that one less gun to deal with was better than a weakened one, he shot and killed the Thin Man. Rather than the Floaters turn around to attack, however, a beam of light came from the side and entered his left ear, bringing him into custody. All of a sudden, the Bulldozer was alone.
It didn't last long after that.

Match 2 - We found the source of the suspicious "Calamari".

After hearing reports of a warehouse under threat, the N7 group left to investigate, with Harbinger acting as their spotter. Upon arrival, the group pressed against a door, only to find it locked (There's some bug with MP where clicking doors doesn't open them). Harbinger ascended to watch the roof, and immediately found a hostile Floater hiding behind some glass. This was a poor move, as it could be clearly seen, and Harbinger attempted to injure/kill it. The shot went wide, however.
The Floater called upon reinforcements, which turned out to be another Seeker. It shot Harbinger, prompting it to comment "YOUR ATTACKS ARE AN INSULT". Taugaunt's forces did not appear to take kindly to a comment like this, and two Cyberdiscs moved to the roof to deal with Harbinger, with only one needed to kill it. Before it became nonfunctional, it stated "THIS CHANGES NOTHING, HUMAN." Legion later reported hearing the Cyberdisc answer "None of us are human." before Harbinger's ... what would you call that, corpse? Body? It's a machine. Uh, whatever. fell on him.
With their original plan foiled, both John and Jane Shepard made their way up to the roof, with John jumping up and Jane (rather inelegantly) climbing a pipe on the side of the building. John then shot and killed the Seeker, while Jane shot and damaged one of the Cyberdiscs. Legion moved back from the building so as to get a view of the roof. He was unsuccessful. Ashley Williams decided that it would be a great idea to run inside the warehouse, only to be shot by a Heavy Muton on Overwatch. She did, however, note that the corpse of the enemy Seeker had landed inside one of the boxes in the warehouse, solving the mystery of the "surprisingly metallic calamari" that has been plaguing the world for weeks. For this effort, another Muton shot her.
The Cyberdiscs moved up close and one deployed some kind of pulse that injured Jane and slightly wrexed (I'm a comic genius) John's cover. The other Cyberdisc mover behind Jane and shot her, but only seemed to incur her wrath. She turned and shot the other Disc twice, and John hit the other, a remarkable feat given he was using a Laser Sniper at the time.
... hey. Hey! This footage is corrupted! I can't see what happens for the next minute or so! (My memory is terrible.)
After some... conflict... the other Cyberdisc was elimated, as were both Shepard's (likely causing the ire of the Illusive Man. It will cost a lot to get the Lazarus project back up and running again),
and only two Heavy Mutons and Legion remained in the area. Through a large amount of luck, Legion managed to dodge most of the shots and dispatch both the Mutons.

Match 3 - Portal Grenades.

The team training Penny Anderson were enjoying a lovely picnic at the boulevard when they were alerted to Taugaunt's men/women/whatever-gender-those-aliens-are approaching from the south. The Metroid Prime attempted to flank them so as Penny could get some shots from the far end, but it was revealed somehow and neatly dispatched by a Heavy Floater. Samus and Legion, newly repaired, took cover behind the main statue, but Samus was eliminated before she could get a shot off. Legion fired once, but missed. Meta Ridley only served as a distraction, one that didn't last long.
Penny was now alone. Flying in the air with one of the most powerful weapons known to man, yes, but alone. After an number of missed shots, one of the Floaters grew tired of firing until a hit was gained and threw a grenade at the ground. It then bounced up at least 15 meters into the air and detonated right beneath Anderson's feet. Analysis now indicates that the grenade was coated in repulsion gel.
The shock of the encounter caused her to lose her focus, and she was eliminated shortly thereafter.
The Overseer is starting to get grumpy. Penny was his charge, and our "mistreatment" of her (his words, not mine) is apparently "cause for concern".

Match 4 - We're jumping on tables again.

There was an additional skirmish sparked after members of Taugaunt's army took offense to insinuations by Taxor's militia regarding the quality of Newfoundland's fish and chips, and demanded that they be fought "irl". This time, the N7 group discarded John's Archangel armor (with the logic of "he can jump several stories anyway") in favor of better armor for the rest of the group and a new Sectoid companion, Mordin Solus, intended to back up Legion. While the rest of the group used the main platforms to move forth, Jane decided to try to be sneaky and go on the lower decks. This worked well for a time. The group ran into a Mechtoid, and while they scrambled to deal with that, another showed up. To make matters worse, Taugaunt's men had evidently had the same idea of recruiting a Sectoid buddy, as one of the Mechtoids had a shield around it. In response, Legion too threw up a barrier and began firing.
John tried sniping from an elevated position, but was rocketed and then shot, causing him to bleed out. Williams encountered a Chryssalid sneaking around the side and scared it off with a volley of lasers. Jane, down on the lower decks, saw an enemy agent hiding behind a shark and shot at him. She missed, and moved back behind cover... a little too far. She disappeared into an area beneath the upper deck, and was never heard from again.
There was a kind of stalemate between Legion and the other Mechtoids, until one moved forward and killed Mordin, who had been sitting behind. It went to hell after that. Mordin, apparently, had been carrying the team. Legion fell to plasma fire, and Ashley was eliminated by the same Chryssalid she had attacked earlier.
There was a point of awkwardness after that. Taxor had obviously lost, and yet he hadn't. Where was the last soldier? Jane was eventually found stuck inside a wooden pillar on the lower docks, unable to see anything. Taugaunt's men had to use rockets and blind fire to put her out of her misery.
Wait, seriously? That's a thing?
Huh. How about that.