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Avanix

Discussion in 'Role Play & Story Discussion' started by PrismaCube, Sep 14, 2015.

  1. PrismaCube

    PrismaCube Well-Known Member

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    Hello everybody, I'm making this post to ask for your help. Everybody is welcome to leave as much feedback and be as harsh as possible, it's the reason why I made this.

    What exactly am I doing here you might ask. Well many of you might know the character Avanix I created in the XCOM RP as an AI. The name I took from a character I created roughly about two years ago. I grew really attached to Avanix and we went through a lot of artwork together and still are as a matter affact to show what she looks like. Fact is that because of this attachment to Avanix I wanted to give her more life, more purpose, give her a story. Since I was in school during that time I also did not have much time to think about it all to much, but the idea was there. Now that I'm working I still have little to no time after work, but during work I have more time to think about the story I wanted to create two years ago. Recently I really got into it and created a ton of notes.

    Which brings me to you guys. Many of you here a great writters. So I'm asking for your help to judge, help, critisize, and so on, as you can. Every single comment will help me to improve building this story, this world based around Avanix.

    My idea was that I would post notes that I have made, and talk with it to anyone who is interessted in it. I also want to say that yes I'm very open to new ideas, but I hope that none of you will be all to sad or mad if I do decline an idea you might have thought would be really great.

    I want to mention that this story I'm creating will be very serious, people will die, things will be described in much detail, and everything should make sence or have a believable reason behind it. To that I also want to say that I will be jumping a lot around in this story. The story follows avanix from young to adult and maybe even further, and I plan to make it a long journey so every character can become alive. So say if a companion would die, it should be sad for both the characters and the readers. Nothing where someone dies and it feels like they were unimportant anyway.

    That is all I have to say for now, any further information that I forgot will be posted here. To start I will post the characters I have created starting with Avanix ofcourse. There will be many empty spaces that I hope to fill with your guy's help.

    One last thing to note that this is the original Avanix, she has nothing to do with the Avanix I created during the XCOM RP and was passed on to a fellow RP who continued her story. In no way do these two characters have anything to do with each other or are even related. I simply picked the name Avanix for the AI to fill in a name. Also Avanix was just a really great name to add a really long side meaning for an AI. A.V.A.N.I.X.: Advanced Virtual and Artificial Nano Intellectual Xeno-Unit.
     
  2. PrismaCube

    PrismaCube Well-Known Member

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    Name:
    Avanix Valkyrja/Yokosora Takamitsu


    Appearance: [​IMG]





    Symbol: Winged Golden Diamond

    Pronunciation: Ah-wa-niix Val-kiia/ Yo-co-so-raa Tack-aa-mii-t-zu

    Name Origin: From the old stories of the creators.

    Name Meaning: Avanix stands for “Mother of Stars”

    Titles: Mother of Ascension, Mother of Stars, Mother of Light, Mother of Demons.

    Alternate Forms: After redemption Avanix can change into her Succubus version when she is in great danger, chaning into this form will give her immense power, however the evil will consume her and tries to take over again. Staying in this form to long can change her back temporarily making her attack even allies. After the temporary change Avanix will need time to recover. (For more info on the Demon Version see Avanix Valkyrja (Demon) Character Page.

    Zodiac: Mother of Light

    These are the first notes I made about two years ago. So beyond this point I will tell you a little bit about Avanix and what I came up with up until now.

    Avanix Valkyrja, born a normal Human in a small village far away from the cities that surrounded them, was always a happy child. Growing up she played a lot with her childhood friend Katsu Rida. (I might give her a sister I might not, for now Avanix is a single child. From here on is the start that I will fill over time, talk about small experinces that she had with her friends growing up til the age 7-9 (no picture yet for child Avanix sorry, but working on it.) We skip further ahead to a critical point in her life)

    On a normal day, just like every other the life of the people of the village will be changed forever. (Here I will have demons attack the village, however no real reason as to why yet so it might get changed, but I do want Avanix to experince something that will make her seek vengance here)

    Watching her whole village getting slaughtered Avanix could do nothing but watch from her hiding spot. (Here I want to introduce the leader of the demons who avanix happened to see.)

    Skipping further ahead, on the road half dead from no water and food for days Avanix and Katsu (who also survived the raid) were picked up by a blacksmith who was making his daily ride for trade. He took them in, feed them and sheltered them. In return Katsu and Avanix decided to help the blacksmith out with everything they can. Early on Avanix and Katsu did nothing but deliver swords or run other kinds of errands (ofcourse there will also be a ton of story here, like I said I want to make this long, not have them grown up in a matter of a couple of chapters).

    Skipping a lot further ahead in Avanix's life, she will come in contact with the Angel race and be chossen to train under them, leaving behind everything she started her training to become an Angel. (At this point Avanix is no longer considered a human, although she still looks like one, she is now considered an Angel (more to the angel race and the other races later))

    On a quest for vengance with her companions (more to them later) avanix faces many situations that put her in an uncomfortable position. Witnessing many death and even killing many avanix becomes slowly corrupted and can not deal with her life style. Here she will have an armor that you can see above in the picture where it has already been worn out a bit, the armor will change over time, the more battles the more the armor will suffer, in the picture above you can see that she already lost a shoulder pad. However in her Angel form (might change the name) her armor turns into a very heavy like armor. (small pictures I have never finished to show you what I mean.)

    [​IMG]

    I should also mention that Avanix become a cold hearted human after her village was slaughtered, she can barley laugh and is usually very serious. Hence she took her angel training very serious.

    Skipping more ahead, there will be a critical point where avanix can not take it anymore and her corruption takes over and she turns into a demon, killing on of her companions that have accompanied her for a long time and then disappearing, (at this point the story will be viewed from two diffrent characters)

    Skipping ahead way way way into the story, Avanix has the ability to change into her Demononic form whenever she is in a fatal battle.

    (This is all I will post for now, if you have question go ahead and ask, I might have also forgottan some information, if so I will post them and notifiy you guys about it. If anyone is willing to open a chat with me then go right ahead, or tell me so I can start one that anybody can join if they want to.) Thank you again for any help.
     
    Last edited: Nov 12, 2015
  3. PrismaCube

    PrismaCube Well-Known Member

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    Name:
    Yumi Kodai
    [​IMG]

    Yumi in her everyday clothes.

    Currently I do not have a version of her in her battle armor.

    Story: (Might Change)

    Yumi is the next heir to the Dragon Tribe, althought she carries the burden to lead her village in the future Yumi never considered herself to be more or less than her fellow villagers. The Dragon Tribe is very isolated from the rest of the world (More lore to them later when I talk about the races), however they are not unwelcome to strangers. Many Adventures and Traders come from far and wide to see the old race and trade with them.


    Growing up Yumi always wanted to help her people. Putting herself on their level she worked at the village restaurant/Inn where the adventures and traders always stay. As a young child Yumi did the basic chores such as cleaning the dishes and serving the food. Around her teenage years Yumi started to go hunting with the hunters, inorder to help the village in supply. Picking up the bow Yumi knew this was the perfect weapon for her. Having a rather rough start learning stealth and hunting also the usage of the bow she always stayed positive and thought about her village and learned as much as she can.

    The Dragon Race although one of the most ancient races are very rare to be seen outside of their village, few in nummbers but respected by all races. Always seeked out for knowledge and other things (more to that in the Dragon race lore). Because of this Yumi always listend to traverllers and merchants talk about the outside world. Fascinated by this Yumi always wanted to go on an adventure to see what lies beyond the island where her village lives. But never could she leave her village alone.

    Yumi is a very kind persona, she always has fun and never sees herself to be better than anyone else. She loves to joke and tries to make people laugh where ever she can. Skilled in hunting, stealth and the bow Yumi has a lot of skill in tracking her target and assassinating it. When it comes to open combat Yumi has very little to no skill at all. Although Yumi hates killing things she knows that it is nesecarry for others to survive and never hesitates when it comes to making a desicion.

    Later on Yumi decideds to join Avanix on her quest for the pure ambition to explore the world (Might change by adding something to this desicion)

    Being a Dragon Yumi has the ability to transform into diffrent stages of a dragon evolution if close combat is nesecarry. Unlike Avanix is her Demon form (once avanix had her redemption) Yumi has full control over this form. At will she can change into and out of this form. Reaching the final form also does not have any negatives effects on her health or strenght once she goes back to her normal form. However small changes might stay in effect if to much strenght was used during the battle. Things like small scales will form around her head and hands, pupils might not turn back into normal. For example like
    (Kerrigan turning back into a Human but keeping the Zerg hair, something similar to that.)

    During her travel with Yumi she become easy friends with most of the other companions and is always carring for them,she also seems to be the only person who seems to be able to get a small smile from Avanix with her positive energy. She only has a problem with the mage girl (just recently started creating her) but tries to play most of it off with humour.

    (Here I will say that I will have to tell you things now that might seem like spoilers but it has to be done inorder for you guys to help me.)

    At the point where Avanix turns into a Demon, Yumi tries to be there for Avanix and comfort her. Not fully knowing what is happening to Avanix she let her guard down trying to help her. Within seconds Yumi was being lifted up into the air by her neck from Avanix. Trying to catch air Yumi tries to speak little words that she can but Avanix does not respond. The entire team is surprised and tries to comprehend what is happening. Yumi busy trying to catch air and using her tail inorder to get some sort of ground support, struggles all for nothing. With little streght Avanix snaps Yumi's neck and drops the dragon princess lifeless body unto the ground. However a few seconds later Yumi stands back up as if nothing happened but she is not the same anymore. There is no doubt about it she is dead. But looks very much alive.

    Avanix raised Yumi from the dead as a walking empty hull, although able to talk and think most of the time she seems to be a mindless zombie (Might change this, although Yumi is dead, I want her to act alive, at this point Yumi joing the Demon Avanix, which the real Yumi would never do)

    That is it for now, please tell me anything you can, ideas, feedback, things I could change, anything! :D
     
    Last edited: Sep 27, 2015
  4. DarkGemini24601

    DarkGemini24601 Well-Known Member

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    My question for you right now (I'll comment on all your awesome lore when I'm at my computer with the spare time) is sort of what you have planned for Avanix. Does she become the antagonist and have to be defeated by the other group members? Or were you planning to follow her like Light Yagami as the main character still but the antagonist (except for this other option Ava might actually win and its a dark ending. Im not a huge fan of those but you can take whatever direction you want with your story, naturally.)
     
  5. PrismaCube

    PrismaCube Well-Known Member

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    Thank you for taking the time to leave a question. Currently my idea to display it in a short form

    Avanix (Main Character) grows up as Human child. (At this point the is still happy and enjoys life)

    Later as a child to teenager she works under the blacksmith. (Here Avanix become cold and barley talks to anyone)

    As an Adult she is taken in by the angels (Here she becomes a leader and ambitious, but she is still a cold person and seeks vengance with her new power)

    Then she goes on an adventure to find the current evil person and seek out vengance. So she and her companions are still the heros.

    During her adventures you can see that Avanix slows changes her apperances not just her armor by being destroyed, but wings start to change and she gets a dark aura around her.

    At the final battle with the villian she is overcome by vengance and everything that she had to do inorder to seek out this vengance it consumes her and gives her new strenght and the worst part is she accepts it. (At this point she is the new villian however still the main character so I plan to still tell everything from her view) The group splits up some go with avanix and others with Katsu (Who will be the second main character at this point) Both get new group members and both get a new objectives.

    Here Katsu is the Hero of the story now, trying to save his childhood friend mostly because he carres for her as the only one he has left from his village. Although he can never forgive Avanix for killing Yumi he knows that he must do everything he can inorder to save Avanix from what she has become.

    Avanix on the other hand will be the villian and seeks out more power. (Still in progress for her Demon version)

    My plan is that in the end Avanix will return to her Angel Form but can still turn into a Demon when nesecsarry, however she can not control this power for a long time and has to learn to use the power without releasing the evil.

    At this point there will be another 3rd objective, something like the third season I would say.

    One last thing I want to say that although angles and demons are part of this story, I have no reason to make angles good and demons bad. I for now I just say that she is evil or the villan at one point, but never do I want people to really thing that she is, more like that she accepts her new form and power and seeks to do other things with it, for reason that do not have to be 100% evil just because Avanix is a demon. So I will try to not really have a bad or good ending.

    I hope that helped explain a little more of the path I currently have planned. If not do tell and I will drop more information :)

    But thank you so much for helping me, I really really appreciate it.
     
    Last edited: Sep 14, 2015
  6. DarkGemini24601

    DarkGemini24601 Well-Known Member

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    Alright, that makes a lot of sense, and I can dig Ava being the focus while she's out of control. I like how demons and angela are their own race but humans can turn into either of them: that's an innovative concept.

    And i understand the "not all demons are straight evil" angle. My fantasy story not only has had a good demon or two (same for the so-called dark gods) but there is an entire half-demon race that can tend towards evil more than normal races but still has as much potential for good as any other mortal race.
     
  7. PrismaCube

    PrismaCube Well-Known Member

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    Here is some small info on a race that I once created, not for this story but I intergrated them after a while. (I do still plan to change many things about them but here is a rough idea of what I had in mind.)

    Beside the Human races there are many other races, some that have been here since the ancient times, like the Dragon Tribe others that have just recently started to florish. A race that always seemed to be a rare sight to see, even more rare than a someone from the Dragon Tribe would be someone from the Nautaria race. These Fish like creatures cover a giant landscape of the planets oceans. Many great underwater cities were build by them. But very little is known about them, since they can't survive on land and the other races can't survive underwater. The Nautaria's have no intresst in the angels or demons whatsoever.

    What is however know is that the Nautaria's are ahead in technology. Possessing water powered guns that can project bullets out of sea metal at a very high speed. A fatal shot for any Soldier of any race.

    Although rarly seen the Nautaria's do have the ability to come on land. However do to their water natur their skin has to be protected from the sun during the day and they always have to carry a glass canister around on their back which is filled with water inorder to keep them alive on land. A single canister can take up to a week for a simple Nautaria to consume.
     
  8. PrismaCube

    PrismaCube Well-Known Member

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    Before you start reading keep in mind I have just created this story. I have no explained anything yet. I plan to change some things. Much won't make sense it is just here to get a basic idea. However I'm open to suggestions and things I could improve. I did try to do something new! When it comes to how a character received something new so tell me what you thing about it. I'm planning to make magic a rare thing but that is still a debate, however Akira will be known as the Blood Crystal mage or something similar to that, meaning no one else from any other race EVER! Has had this power. Although Yumi is around 135 years old (Cause she is a dragon). Akira is over thousands of years old (no age yet) but its because she was locked in time by the crystal (you will understand hopefully once you read it.) that she is able to become this old even though she is just a human. Anyway sorry for the long explanation enjoy this shitty character intro.

    [​IMG]

    At a young age Akira Sakai learned about her power that she posses because her father was an angle. Not many species of the different races posses magic, and even less have the power to control it. Akira also had difficulties learning how to use her magic. Many many years ago when Angels still existed and the demons were friendly, a time where the Dragon Civilization lived prosperous and bloomed with many of its kind, Akira Sakai was born in a normal human city, growing up her father helped her to control and learn about her power.


    Weak and with no hope in sight Akira used the last of her magic to shield herself. Never having practiced much with a spell shield the huge amount of power bursting from Akira with all her might had a negative impact. Akira’s Aura light up the entire cave around her and each crystal reflected the light even more. Akira levitated mid air and lost all control, a huge wave flew threw the cave, destroying every crystal there was. The monsters flew out of the cave with the first sonic wave impact. However Akira could not stop. The combination of the spell shield and the sonic wave was to much for her. It continued to drain her power more and more. The spell shield grew larger and larger. Akira felt something from inside her, getting weaker with each burst she barely felt any pain but the lost of her magic exhausted her to a point where she felt the pain not physically but mentally. A second spell shield with a sonic wave inside the shield was slowly forming inside of Akira’s body instead of outside of her aura, growing twice the size with each burst and not releasing the sonic wave do to the stability from the inner spellshield growing more and more Akira knew this was the last few seconds the has left alive. A tear ran down her face and seconds after Akira bursted apart spewing blood over the entire cave. Where Akira once levitated now a small glowing almost golden crystal was floating there. Time slowed down and what seemed like sonic waves slowly came from nowhere and returned into the crystal almost as if the crystal was sucking the waves back from time. Each floating crystal from the cave was also sucked in. And every single drop of blood too. The crystals came in contact with the blood and turned red. Slowly a body started to form. After a few more seconds a human shell made out of crystals filled with blood floated about. The body then slowly disappeared and in place a dark body almost as if you were looking into the empty space void above, surrounded with a dark red aura appeared. The dark figure opened its eyes and red crystals surrounded it almost as if the dark figure was controlling them. The figure opened its mouth and a female scream appeared. Sonic waves once again continued to burst out and the dark figure turned into a human body. Not just any human body, it was Akira. A few more sonic waves emitted from Akira and with the last one a giant crystal formed around her, freezing herself in . The cave was now inaccessible, do to the many sonic waves the cave crumbled and closed. Now somewhere miles away from civilization Akira rests in her Crystal prison waiting for some help...any help. Many years would pass before anyone would ever see her again.
     
    Last edited: Nov 12, 2015
  9. ExoGrim

    ExoGrim Active Member

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    Hey, Prisma, is this your art work, or did you find it via google?
     
  10. PrismaCube

    PrismaCube Well-Known Member

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    Yes it is my artwork :3
    I'm not active on here anymore but if you wish to see more you can always check my deviantart under the same name. I'm always there and will continue to post future sketches of my story.